I can't really call this a "highlights" post because the Grammys fashion was CRACKED OUT. Like, a million times more than last year, where people attempted to maintain some level of normalcy. So, without further ado, let's check out what people "wore" on the night.
Ricky Martin and his tight, satin pants encourage you to "VEN EN AMANTES!"
The Mosquito Net Award - Anna Nalick
As happy as I am that Ms. Nalick here is back on the music scene with some new music, I do not understand why she felt the need to wrap her arms and decolletage in mosquito netting. If she just had the black bodice and the skirt, this would have fallen directly under the quirky cute category. With the netting? It's just bizarre.
The Muppet Award - Draw: Eva Longoria & Kelly OsborneI don't know why the black ruffle reminds me so much of a muppet, but it does. And it looks like it's strangling her. Also, Eva kind of looks like Kim Kardashian here, am I right?
If the skirt on this had been plain I think I would have liked it a lot more. It's just too much....muppet everywhere. But I have to give her props for looking so cute lately.
The Monet Award - Natasha Bedingfield
Besides the fact that her hair kind of looks like it's glued to her head, making her head look really tiny, this dress makes me wonder who ate Monet's Waterlillies painting and vomited it back onto her. I mean, we all know oil on acrylic is difficult to digest, so why did she stand next to someone who would do that to her?
The Twelve Year Old Girl Award - Hayley WilliamsOy. There is so much wrong with this. To begin, this may the MOST unflattering bodice/neckline on a dress I have ever seen. It makes her look so incredibly narrow and pre-pubescent. The mesh in the middle only draws attention to how thin she looks, and the pink ruffly thing (besides clashing with her hair) is just....weird. This is bad. Really, really bad.
The All Right, We GET IT Award - Draw: Lea Michele & Kim KardashianOkay honey, you have a slit in your skirt. Well done. You don't need to stradle the red carpet to make the point.
So she's not straddling the red carpet, but there are too many slits in her fabric. It's always better to have one or the other, not both. BOOBS OR LEGS. NOT BOTH.
The Barbie Award - Katy PerryShe looks great in neutral/white metallics, but the fabric of the skirt and the heavily beaded bra thing just screams some kind of snow queen Barbie to me. Also, for some reason, she decided she needed angel wings to complete this look, but really, a two metre long train should always cancel out the need for winged accessories.
The I Don't Even Know Award - Lilian Garcia
I don't know who this is, but....W. T. F.
The Mullet Dress - Various Winners (or losers, I suppose)
Jennifer Hudson - I'll ease you into it by showing you this kind of inoffensive dress. Inoffensive colour, cute shoes and nice hair, but things only get worse from here....
Naya Rivera - I love the colour on her, but.....that's it. Take away the mullet train and the dress would still look two sizes too small. Leave the mullet train on and you have....this. Also, why does her hair look like she got a mum haircut?
Jordin Sparks: Why has she wrapped theatre drapes around her waist? Why? Did she not wax the back of her legs? I DON'T UNDERSTAND. Also, the neckline makes her look like she has swimmers shoulders. I feel like Ms. Sparks could have emphasised her curves in a much better way. Nice colour though.
Man, I feel like a can of Fanta right now.
Gram'ma Funk: Why? WHHHHHHYYYYYYY? Also, her boobs are trying to kill her. WHY.
The Not Matter Which Way You Pose, You Still Look Stupid Award - Rihanna
Reminiscent of (link is not safe for work) Rose McGowan's "dress", no? But at least it offers Rihanna more coverage, I guess?
The Dominatrix Award - Cyndi LauperAnd also a mullet dress. WHAT IS WITH ALL THE MULLET DRESSES??
The Gynecologist Award - Jennifer LopezWhen looking at a picture of J-Lo makes you remember to call the doctor to schedule your next pap smear, you know her dress is too short. How does she sit in it without getting chair-fabric burn on her ass?
The Irrational Love Award - Nicole Kidman
I don't know why, but I kind of love this. It's irrational, I know. The ruffles do not work, but the colours are so gorgeous.
The Troll Doll Award - Nicki Minaj
The Worst Dressed Award - CiaraPart synchronised swimming costume, part evening gown. I have no freaking idea what the hell she was aiming for, but she missed it by about 685,154,1984 miles.
The Best Dressed Award - Selena Gomez
I couldn't leave you without my best dressed, could I? Selena Gomez looks so super gorgeous here. Simple hair, flattering metallic shade and shape - I just love this entire look and she really shone on the red carpet.
The By The Way Award - Lady GagaOh yeah, Lady Gaga showed up in an egg. Weirdo.