So, the Grammy Awards! Always a guaranteed showing of the crazy and the glamourous mixed together to create….cramourous? Glamazy?
Whatever, music peeps can be crazy, so take a look at my fashion hits and misses behind the jump.
The Oh My Gosh Y’All, I Totally Wore a Leotard as a Dress Award – Britney Spears.
Oh Britney. What the hell are you doing? You're just coming back from your Circus tour where you looked pretty rockin’ and you turn up in a leotard covered with a piece of netting? I bet it cost, like, $20,000 as well. What a waste of money. Even your boyfriend/manager looks disappointed. Unless you’re in a ballet concert and under 5 years old, I don’t think this would ever be acceptable.
The I Got My Dress from a Barbie Doll Award – Shaila Durcal.
Seriously, I’m pretty sure I’ve seen this outfit on a Barbie, probably sometime in the late eighties. Plus, it looks like it’s about three sizes to big. And although I love colour, I shouldn’t feel like my retinas are burning when I look at her.
The Don’t Exhale Award – Beyonce.
This is too tight. And too busy – there shouldn’t be sleeves and the pattern on it looks like a fabric I considered for the new curtains in my house. But mostly it’s too tight. Her boobs would surely pop the front right open if she so much as takes a shallow breath in, and the whole thing would snap open from bust to crotch, and since I'm guessing Beyonce has no need for Nancy Gantz, that would not be pretty.
The I Fell Out of a Washing Machine and Came Straight Here Award – Ke$ha
Seriously, did she get stuffed in a washing machine after getting dressed? And don’t even get me started on the replacing the ‘S’ with a freaking DOLLAR SIGN.
The Well-Played Award – Nicole Kidman.
Basic black, with a short funky hairdo (that is finally back to red, thank goodness), a little bit of detail on the bodice and a kick-ass train and this whole look is a winner in my book.
The I Wish Lady Gaga Had Never Been Born Award – Imogen Heap
This what I bet Imogen is thinking at EVERY AWARDS SHOW FOR THE REST OF HER LIFE. Before Lady Gaga, Ms. Heap could usually rest assured that she would the quirkiest gal on the red carpet. But then Gaga showed up and totally stole her thunder, and, well, now we all secretly look forward to whatever crazy piece of post modern upholstery fabric shaped like a dead cat she’s going to wear on her head, or which part of her body she will shoot sparks out of next. And we promptly forget about Imogen Heap and her quirky little parasol, high collar and messy hair.
The I’M LADY GAGA Award – Lady Gaga.
She’s Lady Gaga and she's wearing a freaking SOLAR SYSTEM. Do I need to say anything else? I don’t think so.
The Return of the Fish Tail Dress – Various peeps.
Keri Hilson – beautiful colour, and I do like the rouching, but I really want to grab hold of that sucker and yank it up about five inches. Just, you know, so her boobs don’t fall out.
Pink – This is gorgeous. Pink looks lovely, and it’s while it kind of looks like mermaid scales, I really like it on Pink. She’s kept her décolletage bare, but accessorised with some fab earrings and the whole look works for me.
THE TOILET PAPER IS EATING MY FACE Award – Rihanna.
I….don’t get Rihanna. I don’t like the eighties hair, the eighties clothes and the odd clothing choices she makes. This dress could have been gorgeous if she took away the toilet paper stuck to her body and the weird, space suit shoulders.
The Cute Award – Natalia Lafoucarde.
I don’t know who this girl is, but I kind of love what she’s wearing. I thought for a second she might be French, but Wikipedia tells me she is from Mexico City. Anyway, although I don’t think this would be the best choice for the Grammys, I really like it.
The I Expected Way More From You – Katy Perry.
This is…not what I expected from Katy Perry. She’s usually so over the top and kitsch. KITSCH. You practically get smacked in the face by all the KITSCH she throws at you. But this is actually nice. It’s got a bit of fun with the flower print, it’s sleek and sexy, and the backless aspect compliments the niceness of it.
The Slightly Weird Neckline Award – Taylor Swift.
The colour? Love it. The sequins? Love them. The weird, angular space man neckline? HATE. Oh my gosh, I hate it so much. It’s so harsh against her soft curls and sweet face.
The One-Shoulder Award – various peeps.
Lea Michele – this is so gorgeous on her. How tiny is her waist? Seriously, it’s TINY! She looks cute and sassy and the one shoulder look is definitely back in style.
Olivia Munn – another great one shoulder dress, casual but interesting and the colour is stunning. The earrings and shoes compliment it nicely and the whole look is hot.
The Sex Bomb Award – Fergie
Short, funky and clings in the right places. The silver splash snaking down the front is a great way to finish it off. This is killer, and probably my one of my top picks for the night. Simple and sexy.
The Best Dressed Award – Mya.
What has Mya even done lately? I haven’t heard much about her in yonks, but here she is at the Grammys, looking carefree, elegant and gorgeous. This is my pick for best dressed of the night. The silver looks great on her and the style of the dress is simple and classic. Just perfect.
Coming soon: Oscars fashion.