What I do know is that I really, really hope this photo was capturing Ben Affleck about to breakdance in an attempt to distract everyone from the fact that he and his wife, Jennifer Garner, ACTUALLY WALKED THE RED CARPET TOGETHER.
While Ben gets his groove on, let's jump straight into the fashion, shall we?
The Well Done Award - Tina Fey and Julieanne Moore
Thank GOD. As one of the hosts, I am SO glad Tina and her stylist stepped it up. This is lovely. I like the cocktail length, I love the black and white texture and she's kept it simple with the accessories. Well done, Liz Lemon, well done.
Look how beautiful and sleek and stylish Ms. Moore looks! Look how she's not wearing a formal garbage bag! Look how polished and effortless she is! I'm saying this to HER STYLIST, so that they continue down this road of lovely formal wear for the rest of her life, because Julieanne Moore has made some seriously UGLY choices in the last few years and I really hope she has turned a new leaf in the fashion stakes. PLEASE.
The Junior Vs. Senior Award - Ariel Winter (and not Sienna Miller)
This is SO CUTE. Ariel looks fresh and cute, and it's just super adorable!
Sienna Miller seems to wearing the adult version of Ariel's dress, and it is really not good. Kind of like a colourful doily. A doily that doesn't quite fit right in the bodice. I mean, if you're determined to wear a doily, for God's sake, make sure it fits.
The Widow Award - Eva Longoria
The Widow Longoria looks a lot older than she is. The high hair, the overly matte make up, the high collar. Eva looks about five or ten years older, and the thigh high slit isn't doing much to distract me from that. Points for the black lace though, but other than that it's a very, very severe look. She's obviously in mourning for something (not enough young athletes to choose from? The end of Desperate Housewives? Surely not), but gosh darn it, she is going to walk the red carpet ANYWAY.
The Saggy Boob Award - Jessica Chastain
This is just.....UGH. I love the colour on her. That's about it. The dress just looks like it doesn't fit at all, anywhere, and her boobs look like they hang lower than her bellybutton. Someone really needed to tell her that her girls need some support, and you should never leave the house in a dress that looks like one wrong gust of wind would blow the dress around the wrong way.
The Maternity Award - Kristen Bell
I know how hard it is so find formal maternity wear. When I was pregnant, we had THREE weddings to go to, and finding maternity wear that was a) flattering b) didn't cost one billion dollars and c) was stretchy enough that I could wear is as my belly got bigger was HARD. So I totally understand how Kristen Bell might have had a hard time finding a gown to fit her. And this isn't totally awful. I just think the beading is a little too high and overwhelming on her. Maybe if it was a scoop neck, or it was strapless and the beading just covered her bust or something. All in all, it's not terrible, it looks comfortable, and as a pregnant lady in formalwear that's all you can really hope for. Well, that and being seated close to a ladies room.
The Seat Belt Award - Katherine McPhee
I have to preface this by saying I loved Smash. It was soap opera-y, full of showbiz politics, diva-licious show and I cannot wait for season 2. But I just do not understand why Katherine McPhee decided her boobs needed such severe harnessing. Maybe if the dress came together in a deep V neck it would be easier to digest, but I feel uncomfortable just looking at her, so I wonder how uncomfortable the dress really was.
The White Award - Anne Hathaway, Jennifer Lopez and Hayden Panettiere
This is so simple and elegant. I totally think Anne could possible be pregnant because on the red carpet camera there was a kind of....fullness to her figure that made me immediately think she might be up the duff. Also, I really love her hair. I wish I could wear my hair that short, but I suspect I would just look like a ten year old boy with excessive bags under his eyes.
This is so not a good look, but it's totally JLo. And this is what a lacy doily should look like when worn, so Sienna Miller really should take note. If anyone knows how to position lace strategically across their bits, it's JLo. I don't like the dress, but I wouldn't expect anything less from her.
I love this on Lea Michele. You just know she's the kind of girl who cannot resist a good sequin, and I feel like she finally understands that you can wear sequins and beading without it being SEQUINS AND BEADING AND SKIN AND FAKE TAN AND OMG EVERYTHING ALL AT ONCE GOING ON. She looks comfy and sexy and it's a win in my book.
There were a few dresses like this last night. Amy Adams and Megan Fox wore them, to be specific. But I really liked Hayden's. The fishtail isn't over the top, she looks so fresh in white, and I love the pop of pink in her clutch. Super pretty.
The Upholstery Award - Lucy Liu
The entire internet is probably going to flame me, but I have to say this: I really did not love this dress. Is it a cushion cover? Is it an English country garden? To me, it's all of those things, but also, it's just too much dress. I can't say anything else other than I'm just not feeling it.
The Coral Barbie Award - Jessica Alba
This just made me think of a Barbie outfit. But I did love the colour on her, and the necklace. So sparkly! Also, can we please talk about her bag?
I wonder how many chickens she had to dye orange and then murder and pluck to make her clutch? I'm going to say.....five.
The High School Formal Award - Lena Dunham
This looks like something someone wore to a high school formal in 1992. It's the heavy satin and off the shoulder style. Also, I don't think it fits Lena properly. Like, it's too loose in the body or something? I don't know. It's just kind of gross.
The Metallic Award - Emily Mortimer
Attack of the British cyborg woman! Run, run, save yourselves!
Seriously, this is a lot of silver going on. Too much, actually.
The I Just Like It Award - Olivia Munn
There is nothing special about this dress, but for some weird reason, I really like it. I cannot explain it other than that.
The Ink Blot Award - Julianna Margulies
I feel like this dress reminds me that I need to get my eyes tested. I think in real life this would have looked interesting and pretty on her, but I look at it in a still photo and suddenly I think my vision has gone blurry.
The Red Award - Multiple People
I don't hate this so much as I just think it's kind of average. Also, I saw Zooey Deschanel being interviewed by Al Roker on the red carpet and for the first part of the interview she stood there with her hands on her hips not moving her torso AT ALL. Like she was a human Barbie doll and that was her factory pose. It was weird. But I do love the colour on her, so it's not a total loss.
This is also something I don't hate so much as it's just kind of weird up the top. You can't tell here, but on TV you could see the bust line on Jennifer Lawrence's dress kind of had these sort of eyelids of fabric, so it looked like her boobs were either blinking a lot or that they had their own shelf. Nice colour though. And I loved her acceptance speech.
The thing I love most about Jennifer Garner's dress is the colour. That deep red is just so pretty on her. I love the texture, but every time I look at it I just think it kind of doesn't fit properly. Other than that I really like it.
Megan Hilty is from Smash, and I love seeing such a curvy woman on TV. Her dress looks so comfortable and easy to wear. It fits her in all the right places and the colour looks so pretty on her. I think she needs a darker lip colour, but other than that I love this.
I love this. Naomi often chooses things that are a bit different, and this is no exception. The rich, velvety colour is lovely and even though I don't love the train, I think it kind of works on her. I may be feeling a bit more generous towards Naomi because I just watched Brides of Christ last week, which I LOVE, but this dress weirdly works.
The Sleeve Award - Julie Bowen
Ugh. There's always got to be SOMEONE who does this. One ginormous sleeve that is usually always badly executed. This is no exception. The colour is lovely, but that's it. It looks like Julie Bowen ran out of the house in a rush, grabbed the tablecloth, secured if under her arm with a clothes peg and jumped in the car. If this had no sleeve it would have been a lot better. The lesson: always choose NO SLEEVE.
The Worst Dressed Award - Rachel Weisz
What is this? Seriously. Can someone tell me what this is? Besides a sheer piece of curtain sewn over a strapless black minidress? Because I really do not know what would possess a person to do this. It's not even hemmed nicely! WHAT IS GOING ON. Worst dressed, easily.
Nice hair though.
Can we please also note how awesome it was that Adele high fived Rachel's husband, Daniel Craig, when she won for best song (after she totally, awesomely, mouthed 'Fuck!" on camera when she won)? How many people in their whole lives can say they high fived James Bond?
Best Dressed - It's a Draw! Claire Danes and Selma Hayak
I love this. Basic black (or is it navy?), but the sparkles and the bow at the waist really appeal to me. Plus, Selma is gorgeous, so there's that. It just works.
Considering she just had a baby, like, a month ago, Claire Danes looked stunning. Her smoky make up was gorgeous, her hair was perfectly tousled and the dress was so flattering. The colour popped nicely and the slit in the side was nice, soft touch. My pick for best dressed.