AKA The Year of Beige.
Hoo boy, a LOT of women wore beige/neutral/pale shades this year. Most of the shades were incredibly blah and washed them out. Some people did it properly. Most did not. I wasn't that enamoured with most of the beige, so I'm going to review what caught my eye, because really, what else matters?
Ugh, that sounded assy. Sorry.
Anyway, here we go!
Ricky Gervais invites you in so he can make a joke about you and watch as you fail to understand his British humor.
The Elvira Award - Eva Longoria
She's obviously still mourning the demise of her marriage, which is fair enough, hence the black and the bitchface. But she is also obviously sending a message to Disney to let them know she's available for the role of the bad/wicked witch in whatever film they're making next. She looks awesome (and I doubt anyone will say otherwise in case she crushes them with her breasts in anger).
The Yellow Award - Kyra Sedgwick
Someone always does yellow. It's hard to top this yellow number, but Kyra comes close. The colour is lovely on her and it looks so comfortable I wouldn't be surprised if she's secretly wearing her slippers underneath. Well done!
The Pasty Award - Jayma Mays
She wears such cute, colourful clothes on Glee, which makes me think she is purposely rebelling against that. The black is super drab on her, and her make up artist has made her face way to powdery white. I get what she was going for with the hair on the side and all, but I just don't think she hit the mark properly.
The Retina Burn Award - Emma Stone
Look, I get that she's gone blonde for her role as Skeeter in The Help, but the peach dress (which is so boring), combined with a gold clutch and peroxide blonde hair has me reaching for my sunglasses. It's just too much. Too much, Jerry, TOO MUCH!
The Green Award - Multiple players
I'm glad Angelina isn't wearing black, but I wish she would get rid of the sleeves and do something awesome with her hair. Love the sparkles though.
Sooooo glad Elisabeth Moss got a decent stylist. This colour is stunning on her and she looks confident and chic. I love the ruching on the bodice and the slimline of the skirt. Very well played!
I know a lot of people love this, and I think the colour is fabulous and she looks beautiful. But....the dress kind of looks like church carpet. Like, I actually can kind of imagine how plush and soft it feels. Sorry, CZJ!
The Hippy Award - Michelle Williams
So bad. Just so, so bad! The neckline makes it look like she's slouching, the colour makes her look so unbelievably washed out and the flowers make it look like she's wearing a shower curtain from the seventies. I know she likes to wear things that are a little quirky, but this is just really not good for the red carpet. Although I remain secretly jealous she can wear her hair that short. It must be so easy to manage. I would love to cut my hair short like that, except that I would definitely look like a middle aged man (which I definitely am NOT).
The I Didn't Expect To Like This But I Do - Mandy Moore
I think there was just SO MUCH beige this year that the colour just jumped out at me. At first I thought "Meh", but now I kind of like it. The netting overlay adds some nice texture and the swishy bottom looks, well, swishy. And what kind of girl doesn't like wearing a swishy dress? Plus her hair and make up look really great.
The Red Award - Christina Hendricks
A lot of people also don't like the giant shoulder ruffle, but I actually really like this. It helps that, like her co-star Elisabeth Moss, Christina has a stylist who finally understands how to dress a curvy woman, but it's also that she just looks totally gorgeous. Great hair, great make up (for once - Christina often gets the make up part very wrong), and the sassy side ruffle which is continued at the bottom of the dress just creates a really fantastic look.
The Squished Award - Christina Aguilera
Hair and make up look good, so points for that. BUT. It's just so, so tight. Like, can she even walk in that without lurching around looking like her legs are bound together with masking tape under the dress? I like the pattern of the lace in theory, but for me it just doesn't gel. I love these curves she's sporting, but the fact that I feel like I could easily rest a tray of food on her boobs doesn't help things. Come on, lady, get it together! Post-divorce is your time to shine! She better Bring It for the Oscars.
The Over 50 Award - Helen Mirren
I mean, really. Who else does it better?
The Princess Sparkles Award - Olive Wilde
At first I was also a bit "Meh" on this, but the more I look at it, the more I just want to wear it every day for THE REST OF MY LIFE. How kick-ass is it? It's sparkly, it's swishy, it's sparkly. It's every girl's dream dress to wear around the house just to feel fancy. BUT. She loses points for doing NOTHING with her hair. This dress DEMANDS statement hair and I really wish Olivia had followed through on that.
The One Sleeve Too Many Award - Julianne Moore
I just....What the hell does Julianne Moore think when she's getting ready for red carpet events? Seriously, she makes some weird-ass choices. Like, what the hell would possess her to choose a dress with a PUFFY PINK SLEEVE? Did she have a fake tan disaster on that arm and needs to hide it? Did she get drunk one night and tattoo a tribute to Twilight on her arm? We'll never know. All we know is that once again, she (or her stylist) do not understand that there is quirky-pretty and quirky-WTF. Julianne falls firmly on the quirky-WTF side. When you stand in front of the wardrobe and ask yourself "One puffy sleeve or no sleeve at all?" the answer is always no sleeve at all. NO SLEEVE AT ALL, FOR THE LOVE GOD, NO SLEEVE AT ALL!
The Neutral Award - Milla Jovovich and Heather Morris
Of all the beige numbers on the red carpet, these two were my favourites. I just love the neckline of Milla's dress, and the ruching is so flattering on her. The mermaid bottom finishes the look off nicely. Heather Morris loves metallics at award shows, and this year she hit the nail on the head again. This dress is so simple in it's design, but the flowy, cap sleeves and cowl neckline are so soft against her. The clingy bodice and slimline skirt suit her perfectly and I just love the whole look! Both ladies look demure and chic and really stood out today.
The Worst Dressed (and I mean the WORST) - January Jones
What. The. Hell. Her hair and make up look incredible. The dress? Not so much. I don't know if Ms. Jones just likes to stand out on a red carpet, or if she just doesn't understand that she doesn't HAVE to wear what her stylist gives her. Either way this "dress" is just awful and she doesn't look that keen on it either. You know what it makes me think of? Those awful bathing suits from the eighties with the cutouts and those things were pretty bad. It's a firm NO for me.
The Best Dressed Award - Tied: Amber Riley and Mila Kunis
Amber Riley looks seriously amazing. AMAZING, I TELL YOU. What else is there to say? I mean, the silver is stunning on her, the cut is flattering and emphasises her curves and her hair is totally glam. It's just the perfect look and one of my favourites for the night.
I've already mentioned all the green and the clear winner was Mila Kunis from The Black Swan (which I hear is totally cracked out and a must-see). Mila also looks AMAZING. The colour is just gorgeous on her, the one-shoulder and train on opposing sides draws your eye down the dress in an elegant, understated way and her hair is simple but lovely. My other favourite for the night.
So that's it! I'll have another fashion round Up when the SAGs are on, and then we're on track for the Oscars, baby.
Wait! Is anyone else delighted with the lack of orange, fake tan? I love that the ladies are embracing the pale - yay!