Yay, the Oscars! Although the ceremony was kind of a snoozefest, regardless of whether or not you like/don't like Seth McFarlane.
To start with, everyone needs to watch this clip of Jennifer Lawrence meeting Jack Nicholson after the ceremony.
Now, let's get stuck into the fashion!
The Feather Award - Amy Adams
Surprisingly the only real feathery kind of gown I saw last night. Except Bradley Cooper's mother. But I kind of like this. The colour is a tiny bit bland, but I feel like on her, it works. The skirt isn't too over the top and she carries it well. I think she looks pretty.
The Ass Ruffle Award - Jennifer Garner
First of all, this colour is GORGEOUS. Especially on her. The necklace is stunning, her hair is really pretty and I'm even giving the dyed-to-match shoes a pass. BUT. I just cannot get behind the ginormous ASS RUFFLES. It needed to start behind the knee or not be there at all. It's just too much. TOO MUCH!
The Goddess Award - Salma Hayek
I was really happy that Salma was not all boobs in our faces. She is gorgeous, but sometimes it's nice to just keep the girls a bit more discreet. Anyway, I love this look on her. I don't super love the dress, but the whole look makes her seem a lot taller than I suspect she is, and the high neckline and high hair give her such a goddess look. She is beautiful.
The Blue Award - Reese Witherspoon
This is nice. The colour is lovely and can we all just please admit that our hair will NEVER look at good as Reese's? I don't feel as enthusiastic as I first did about this gown. It's nice. She looks nice. The train is nice. It's all very....nice. Does anyone have stronger feelings about it?
The Roman Award - Olivia Munn
A lot of people don't care for Olivia Munn. I kind of like her. She has that monotonous, social awkwardness down pat, which I find hilarious. But I really love this dress. I feel like it's the more interesting version of Reese's. Where Reeses's is straight lines and subtle rouching, Olivia's is abstract and huge gathers, and the gold on the bodice makes me feel like it's kind of Roman battle formal wear. I love it!
The White Awards - Octavia Spencer, Queen Latifah, Kristin Stewart, and Jennifer Lawrence
This is a nice dress. But not on Ms. Spencer. I feel like it's about fifteen years too young for her. I'm also getting a weird, 1980s school formal vibe from it. Points for the floaty skirt though, I've always wanted to wear a super floaty skirt like that.
This is how a curvy lady should wear white. Simple, streamlined, and with a little beading here and there. Queen Latifah looks fabulous. There is no other word for it. FABULOUS.
The dress is blah. I have nothing really to say about it because it's so extremely bland. But can we please talk about how someone needs to introduce KStew to a hairbrush and some product? And a hair dryer? I know she had some kind of foot injury, but I don't really think that would have prevented her from sitting in a chair for forty-five minutes while someone did a nice blow wave, or a nice loose bun. STOP LOOKING LIKE YOU GOT READY IN A PUBLIC RESTROOM. GOD.
This is a lot of dress. First of all, I love her. Second of all, it looks like the texture of a bedspread. My issue with it is that is a really bottom heavy dress. I think she favours that look, and I really kind of wish she'd gone with an elegant column dress, preferably one that wasn't strapless, because I want to hike this one up about four inches. I have much sympathy for her because it was so much dress that she tripped over going up the stairs - who hasn't done that? Hell, I've done that in a pair of yoga pants and flip flops. Anyway, I don't love it, but her hair and make up is gorgeous.
The Flamenco Award - Zoe Saldana
There is way too much going on here. The flowers, the belt, the coloured, asymmetrical ruffles. It's extremely similar to an ensemble I saw on a flamenco dancer in Seville a few years ago. It's just A LOT going on for one dress. Give it a simple, straight line at the bust, take away the belt, and this would be better. As it is? I feel like she's going to bust out with a tango ANY SECOND.
The It's a Bit Nippy Award - Anne Hathaway
I don't like this dress at all. The style is very early nineties, and the bodice is not fitted enough around the waist/stomach. But I feel like someone should have done a nipple check before she left the house. I know a lot of it is where the darts meet in a point and the heavy satin doesn't help, but it just makes things look EXTRA perky. I had the same issue with Kate Middleton's wedding gown (which I loved). But her hair is so gorgeous, and if I could look as stunning as that with short hair I would DO IT.
The Colour Award - Kerry Washington
This looked so gorgeous on camera. The bodice beading/sequins/fabulousness was so, so pretty, and I am so in love with that coral colour right now. This was one of my favourites of the night. Also, does anyone else always think of Kerry Washington in Save The Last Dance whenever they see her? No? Just me? Okay then.
The Metallic Award - Norah Jones, Stacy Keibler and Naomi Watts
I love this. The lines make it so sharp and stylish, but the soft skirt gives it a nice balance. I am not a fan of the hairdo, though, because I think it ages her. I like that she kept the accessories simple, though. Very nicely done.
This is also really gorgeous. Again with the sharp lines and a soft skirt. But her hair is lovely and subtle. Love it!
Sparkly! But why is she wearing half a breast plate? Was she in a battle on the way over and half of it got ripped off? If this had had the other sleeve I would have been all over this. But I just feel like it's totally unbalanced. She looks lovely otherwise, though.
The Brought It Award - Jessica Chastain
Thank God her boobs have been wrangled properly. And that the dress isn't a size too small. She looks lovely! Love the colour, love the beading, love the way she's coloured in her eyebrows. Perfect! Well done, lady, well done!
The Cougar Award - Jane Fonda
I think we can all agree that she nailed it. The end.
The Worst Dressed Award - Melissa McCarthy
Is this a nightie? That's the only reason I can understand why someone would wear something made from jersey fabric to THE OSCARS. This is heinous. The fit is horrendous, the colour is awful, and she obviously rode in a convertable, because that is the only explanation for that huge blown back hair. Ugh.
The Best Dressed - Sandra Bullock
Love it. Love the beading, love the cap sleeves, love the subtle train. Love all of it!